L.U.T.S. Award Winner...Disney  Enterprises, Inc.

The L.U.T.S. award defined

The Defiling of Disney's "Pirates of the Caribbean"
Disney Boycott!

Send 'em Mail!

The Defiling of Disney's "Pirates of the Caribbean" is the latest example of misguided morons having their way at the expense of the most sacred of childhood pleasures. It is without the slightest reservation that I grant the present day keepers of Disney Enterprises, Inc. The L.U.T.S. Award.


The L.U.T.S. award defined

L.U.T.S. Stands for Loser of the Unpredetermined Time Segment. You may be familiar with P.T.S. type awards where there is an implied predictability associated with when the next greatest or worst of a given category might replace the current title holder.

In reality, nobody can really predict what will happen next and when. Rather than wait the whole year and then choose from a historical perspective those who stood out within a time that had already come to pass, the U.T.S. in L.U.T.S. lets the most notable receive their recognition as soon as they distinguish themselves, rather than at the end of an arbitrary window of time.

The L.U.T.S. award winner maintains their title as the greatest negative influence that will endure until... you guessed it... an even more outrageous deed is committed by an even greater loser!

The Defiling of Disney's "Pirates of the Caribbean"

Just a few short years ago, I was enjoying a replay of one of my favorite childhood memories in taking a ride in what is perhaps "The Old Disney's" most famous attraction.

A sinking feeling came over me as I had realized that I was in a place that was in one sense so far away from the great brainwash of the grand societal experiment taking place outside, and in another sense, precariously surrounded and permeated by the brain nullified masses of modern America.

I spoke out loud to my companion, "You know, it will be only a matter of time until this place gets destroyed in the name of Political Correctness!" To soften the depressing influence of my own words I took refuge in the notion that I was "only kidding"-that there couldn't possibly actually ever be a newspeak rework of something so famous. Perhaps something so much at the core of what defined Disneyland as separate from the mind deadening of the places outside "The Happiest Place on Earth" would be protected.

My dark premonition having since been realized, I feel that my childhood has been pissed upon. Those who were trusted with the keeping of Disney's legacy have proven to be the most vile degenerates who at once have betrayed mine and childhood as a whole.

As I have come to understand it, one or more misfit "Magic Kingdom" staffers have created an internal uproar over the depiction of men actually chasing women as part of the theme. Among the "corrections" to be made in the ride, is to have the pirates instead chasing after food! Surely then, our children (being apparently so stupid) will not take the hint that men might actually pursue women.

I imagine these same foolish children will have to wait for corrections to deal with the issues of the murder, robbing and arson committed by these poor pirates who probably would have been saved from such unacceptable behavior were there only more generous social programs in their day.

Perhaps in the next revision of "The New Pirates of the Caribbean" the pirates can be well dressed, clean shaven feminist gentlemen. No doubt they will not be seen opening any doors for the time period women who will be so much more appropriately dressed in pants. More important, the flasks from which they drink will be clearly marked non-alcoholic beverages.

Disney Boycott!

This ugly business is getting worse. You can play a role in defeating the will of the intellectually deficient if you will please consider my plea to resist this and any further destruction of Walt Disney's legacy.

For the duration of the Boycott, please:

  1. Avoid any travel or vacation plans that include "The New Disneyland".
  2. Redirect Disney product purchases to the producers of alternative childhood icons (other than Barney of course) like Warner Bros. characters.
  3. Avoid watching (not like you'd be missing much) or supporting advertisers for programming on Disney's ABC television.
  4. Bury Disney with as much critical mail as you have it in yourself to send. Write your own thoughts, copy text from this document, or both as you see fit--just please let them know that what was the most popular Disney attraction should not be defiled to the satisfaction of morons in search of "politically correct" pirates!

I am confident that most of us are clear that Disney's move is absurd. Only an apathetic lack of attention to this disaster will allow the continued derailment of Walt's vision. Until the destruction under way has ceased and the original "Pirates of the Caribbean" is restored, please stay on it! You are Disney's customers and that means that you're the boss!

Send 'em email!

I urge you to send your thoughts on this subject to disney.com/Mail.

Related Links

http://www.io.com/~ryland/disney Explore the smutty side of the Magic Kingdom
http://www.tower.org/disease/yoho.html The complete lyrical content of the theme song from the original "Pirates of the Caribbean" here... get it now before it gets "corrected" and winds up sounding like a Barney song!
http://ww2.netnitco.net/users/007/pirates.htm The complete script of the original "Pirates of the Caribbean" lives here.

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