DeepWaterWeb Film Rating Systemô

The DWW Film Rating System addresses the emotional impact of a film on the moviegoer. This impact is scientifically broken down to the five basic human film experience emotions which are as follows:
 
Emotional Response Description
Laughing This is the response results from something that might be perceived as humorous. 
Crying This is the response caused by something that triggers profound sadness in the moviegoer. A rating of 3 or more in this category calls for extra tissue. 
Wetting Pants Well, I'd guess something would have to be pretty shocking in a film to cause a sudden loss of bladder control. I am pleased to report that I have yet to see a film that rated a 5 in this category and have as such remained dry. 
Puking Blood, guts and Al Gore will usually do it. 
Climaxing  Generally a strong response of this type is most often associated with the less mainstream motion picture genre. 
In most of the above, a full value of 5 is required before the full extent of the listed responses are realized. Actual controlled laughter or minor tearing may occur with a corresponding assigned value above 2-in these cases a 5 would indicate a full unabashed and sustained of the corresponding emotional response.

Film Reviews:
 
 

Film Laugh Cry Wet Puke Climax Overall Impact Value Comments
Rush Hour 4 2 1 0 2 9 *** Best Jackie Chan comedy yet.
Still Breathing 1 0 1 1 1 4 1/2* Joanna Going, is cast as a worse-than-prostitute, whom after much pain for Brendan Fraser (Blast from the Past, Encino Man), everyone else and the audience, is lifted to artificial self-esteem.
Written and directed by James F. Robinson.
Sponsored by Executive Producer Joyce Schweickert, 
Producer: Ms. Marshall Persinger. 
Red Corner 2 3 2 1 2 10 **** What?! Who let Gere into China. Meticulously crafted drama.
Blast from the Past 4 2 1 0 1 8 **** Funny, smart, charming and "family values"
Pleasantville 2 0 1 4 1 8 * A seemingly cute film that turned into evil Hollywood propaganda. Watch the first half, then burn and bury the cassette, DVD or Laserdisc. 
Jean de Florette and Manon of the Spring 3 5 2 2 2 14 ***** Rent both and watch them back to back (in order) Magnifique! (French with Subtitles)
Dead Man Walking 2 3 2 2 1 11 **** Fine performances by all.  Not likely to change your view of the "death penalty" whatever it might be.
Austin Powers (collective rating for both films since they were about the same) 3 1 1 3 1 9 *** Who could dislike Dr. Evil?
Mercury Rising 0 1 1 1 0 3 ** OK if you can remain awake
Trainspotting 3 3 3 4 2 15 **** Gross, morbid,  but moving
Casino 2 2 2 3 1 9 **** One of the fastest three + hour you'll ever watch
The 12 Monkeys 2 2 2 1 1 8 **** Well worth renting
The Blair Witch Project 1 2 2 1 0 6 ** Mostly Annoying... barely worth a Halloween rental.
Independence Day 0 0 0 3 0 3 1/2* Benchmark film. All other terribly poor films can be compared against this one. A huge waste of effects!
The Sixth Sense 2 3 2 2 0 10 **** Atypically clever filmmaking
Beavis and Butthead Do America 3 1 2 3 1 10 **** One of  the best films I expected to hate.
Of Mice and Men (John Malcovich, Gary Sinise) 2 3 1 1 1 8 ***** This film is the  book's raison d'etre. High excellent!
Zentropa 3 2 1 1 1 8 ***
Star Wars Episode 1 - "The Phantom Menace" 2 1 2 1 1 7 **** Fun. Ignore the complaining critics on this one.
Face Off 2 2 2 2 1 9 *** Cute
Titanic 2 4 2 1 2 11 ***** Mandatory
As Good As It Gets 4 2 1 1 1 9 ****
Wag the Dog 0 0 0 1 0 1 * Hollywood Crap!
Absolute Power 2 2 2 1 1 8 *** Not your standard favor for the Clintons--Eastwood had to pay the bill as Executive Producer
Shall We Dance (Japanese) 3 3 0 0 1 7 **** Excellent Japanese Film with or without subtitles.
(My Neighbor) Totoro 3 2 0 0 1 6 **** Excellent Japanese animation for the whole family.  Best with subtitles but available dubbed.
Ed Power's Dirty Debutantes Collection 2 1 1 0 5 9 *** Finest of the "adult" entertainment interview style explorations of the finer among human experiences.
The Kama Sutra 2 3 1 1 2 9 *** Thought provoking drama.
Caligula 2 2 3 3 4 14 *** Quite unpleasant in spots, but worth watching on the way to the vomitorium.
The Jerky Boys 3 1 1 1 0 6 ** 1/2 Pretty funny
The Cadillac Man 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Worst film in all of filmmaking history.
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(c)1997 DeepWaterWeb -- All rights reserved.                             Last Update 3/11/98
more to chew on here.